In a quiet office, my tennis shoes squeak. It's not something I notice anywhere else. It's only here, where there's no noise but that of the forced air and the ticking of the clock on my desk. (I haven't turned on any music yet. It's still early.) The few people here are silently tucked away in their own offices working on something or another. I just got back inside from a smoke break and, as I'm walking down the hallway to my office, I notice how loudly my tennis shoes are squeaking. I thought it important enough to blog about only because it brought me to another thought. That's how my mind works. Click. Click. Click. Most of it random nonsense.

Shoes that normally go unnoticed are hugely noticeable in the midst of such a hushed environment.

Little things in life that normally go unnoticed are hugely noticeable in the midst of a quietly stable environment.

See the connection?

Sometimes I get so bored with life that all the little annoyances that normally go unnoticed become these big, looming issues. Why? Because routine is not my friend, and in the quiet, calm of routine I start to search for something to which I can pay attention. BAM! There they are, these little nothings staring me in the face and daring me to confront them. I don't take challenge lightly; I meet it head-on. Even when all logic tells me it's not important, damn it, they dared me, and thus I must address them.

Stupid.

I've read all the "don't sweat the small stuff" books and heard all the advice about not "making mountains out of molehills." I know that logically I should just ignore these tiny nothings because they really are a bunch of inconsequential crap, but boredom exaggerates them. Addressing a pile of inconsequential crap is something to do that breaks the monotany. It's not right. It's not helpful. It definitely doesn't make life easier. But maybe that's the point. I don't like it when everything is too easy and there's no challenge, no goals, no uphill battles, no feeling of victory when I've defeated one of them.

Wow. I truly am my own worst enemy.

Click. Click. Click.

One would think, with all that drive to be challenged and satisfaction of achievement when I've reached a goal, that I would be highly competitive. I'm not. Not in the least. I just can't stand to be idle. If I'm not creating something, I'm fixing something. If I'm not doing either of those, I'm learning something new. I'm not happy unless I'm submersed in busy-ness. I have to have a goal. I don't care if that goal is to get the dust bunnies out from under the couch on X day, I have to have something planned to accomplish or I get bored. Quickly.

To my husband, that probably makes me high maintenance. The thing is, I don't look to him to entertain me, but I don't want him bringing me down either. The worst part for him is probably when I do get bored and I start turning those inconsequential nothings into gotta-fix-it challenges. I guess that means that it's in his best interests that I stay occupied.

Life would probably be much easier if I would ignore the squeaky shoes.

In lieu of paying any attention at all to that other memorial happening today, I've created my own private memorial.

These are our soldiers that have given their lives for us since June 25, 2009 when the media went into a frenzy because of the untimely death of that other guy.

Where are the gold caskets for these guys and girls?

This list is incomplete, but it was the best I could do. If anyone has a name to add, please feel free to leave a comment.

6/25/09

• Brian N. Bradshaw, 24, Army 1st Lieutenant, Steilacoom, WA


• Joshua L. Hazlewood, 22, U.S. Army Reserve Specialist, Manvel, Texas

6/26/09

• Peter K. Cross, 20, U.S. Army Private 1st Class, Saginaw, TX

6/28/09

• Steven T. Drees, 19, U.S. Army Private, Peshtigo, WI


• Timothy A. David, 28, U.S. Army Sergeant, Gladwin, Michigan

6/29/09

• Terry J. Lynch, 22, U.S. Army Sergeant, Shepherd, MT


• Roger L. Adams Jr., 36, U.S. Army National Guard Sergeant, Jacksonville, NC


• Juan C. Baldeosingh, 30, U.S. Army National Guard Sergeant, Newport, NC


• Robert L. Bittiker, 39, U.S. Army National Guard Specialist, Jacksonville, NC


• Edward C. Kramer, 39, U.S. Army National Guard Sergeant 1st Class, Wilmington, NC

7/2/09

• Charles S. Sharp, 20, U.S. Marine Lance Corporal, Adairsville, GA

7/4/09

• Aaron E. Fairbairn, 20, U.S. Army Private 1st Class, Aberdeen, WA


• Justin A. Casillas, 19, U.S. Army Private 1st Class, Dunnigan, CA

7/6/09

• 6 yet unnamed U.S. Army soldiers killed Afghanistan

IT IS THE SOLDIER

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

--CHARLES M. PROVINCE

May they rest in peace.

Ok, so I wake up in the morning like this...



...and this is what inevitably happens...



Not fair.

Just rolling right over all my good efforts like that.

The tire marks are a bitch to scrub off.

Then I have to get all...



I don't like being like that. I'd rather be...



But when they don't let up...

...when they just can't quit rolling all over my good time...

...smashing my happiness back into the ground just as I've started to dust it off again...

...well, then...

...then...



Anybody got a few of these I can borrow...



I'll give them back when I'm done. Empty, of course, but I think the bottles are worth 5 cents each in Michigan or something.

There's an upheaval in Iran. Another terrorist bombing in Iraq. A Yemeni plane went down leaving one 14-year-old survivor from the 150 or so passengers aboard. A school bus stop shooting in Detroit that injured 7 kids ages 14 to 17 years old. And every news blurb I've received from CNN on my phone since last Friday all relate to Michael Jackson. Farrah died, too, after a very brave and tragic 3-year battle with cancer. Long-time household name Ed McMahon died earlier in the week. Attention to both deaths has been practically non-existent since Jacko died.

WTF?

Look, I understand Jackson was a pop legend and his passing was unexpected and all, but I consider details of his life, death, his kids' custody, the movement of his remains from this place to that place, the preparations for his viewing, and how many times his songs are being played to be SECONDARY news. Yes, I was surprised to learn that he died. Yes, I think he had a major impact on the entertainment industry. Yes, I think it's a shame. But ENOUGH ALREADY!

Why have the news groups (almost every single one of them) determined for us that any Michael Jackson-related news is the most important news of the day? Why when I was watching the first 45 minutes of NBC's Today show this morning was it dominated by interviews with various Michael Jackson insiders and speculation on his drug use/abuse and there was no mention made of the school bus shooting in Detroit yesterday that injured seven teens?

I agree that Michael Jackson's passing is newsworthy, and that details of it are newsworthy, but as PRIMARY news? No. It's ENTERTAINMENT news. Secondary news. I don't want to see news related to him at the top of the hour and news of the struggle in Iran or the shooting of some teens just waiting for a school bus bumped to the "after thought" position.

In case you hadn't heard, the House of Representatives held a moment of silence for Michael. Are you serious? Where's the moment of silence for Farrah and Ed, both pop culture icons as well, and both equally deserving of that kind of respect as long as they're doling it out?

The priorities of this country are bass-ackward, and they are unfortunately being dictated by what our journalists decide regarding what's the big news and what's the little news, what gets reported and what doesn't. If you want to know where the power is in this country, turn on one of the 24-hour news stations. It's not any of the newsmakers, it's the boys and girls who run those stations. They tell us what's important to us and what's not by deciding what goes at the top of the hour.

We just follow along like stupid sheep.

After a hassle with my bank this morning, and a weekend incident that I might as well toss in for good measure, I thought I'd do a little bitching this morning. Feel free to ride along.

Let me start with this morning. I made my car payment on Friday over the phone. My loan is with a credit union and they're a bit behind-the-times, technologically speaking. My life is virtually paperless. The credit union doesn't have a way to make an electronic payment online unless you have a checking account with them, which I don't. I have to either transfer from my bank, which can take up to 5 business days to go through so I hate that option, or I can drive to the credit union and make the payment, or I can make it over the phone for a $10 fee (whatever with that... that's something to bitch about another time). I opted to make it over the phone this month because I couldn't get over to the office to make the payment in person. I made my payment to them via my checking (debit) card.

They called me this morning and said that Friday's transaction was getting declined with no explanation. I verified the information with them to be sure they didn't have a wrong number, expiration date, whatever. They had it all right. I was looking at my checking account balance online and there was nothing wrong there. There was no reason the transaction should have been declined. I hung up with the credit union and called my bank.

My bank proceeds to tell me that it's being declined because I have a daily spending cap on my account and that transaction was over the cap. Huh?!?! I've had this account for 10 years. I've never had an issue with this before, and I know I've spent well over that spending cap within a day on numerous occasions. He said that it was just a fraud protection thing and promptly raised my cap.

I can understand the whole premise, but why had I not run into this before in my 10 years with this bank? He said it wasn't a new thing. What most irritated me is that I never approved that spending cap. They never asked me if it was ok to set it at that amount or should it be changed. Shouldn't I have been allowed to determine what the spending cap is on my own checking account?

I called the credit union back and the transaction went through without a problem. I just don't appreciate that I had to spend time this morning straightening out an issue that could have been avoided if my bank had given me the opportunity to chime in on what my spending cap should be on my checking account. Irritating... and it's Monday morning, which at least triples the irritation. It probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if it was Friday. :)

Now I have to bitch about something that happened over the weekend. This is solely my opinion. I'm not speaking for anyone else.

As anyone who knows me knows, my husband is a musician and many of our friends are in local bands. This past Saturday, we went to see some friends' band play at Whiskey Dick's. When we got there, we found out that a couple of country bands (Justin Moore and Emerson Drive, to be specific) were in town doing a show at WCOL's Country Jam. They had finished their show and had called up Whiskey Dick's to see if they could play there for the remainder of the evening. No pay, on the fly. Whiskey Dick's is one of the few country-friendly bars in Columbus. Our friends' band is rock, though. It was cool of these two national acts to want to do this because they were giving their fans a treat (being able to see them in a more intimate setting), they weren't asking for any money, and they brought in a nice pack of people (their fans) that were paying cover, from which our friends' band was getting paid. So far so good, and really no biggie at that point.

Then they showed up.

Anyone who knows me also knows my very low tolerance for arrogance. Confidence is a great thing, but arrogance makes you look like ass. Before I start, I want to say that I did meet one of the band members for Justin Moore and one from Emerson Drive and they were both very nice, very polite. No problem with either of them at all. I had a problem with the couple of them who strutted in with an attitude and then proceeded to tell my friends' band that they could only play for a half-hour. Big of them, don't you think? My friends were intending to play one set... an hour... and then give them the stage. That's more than reasonable. Keep in mind that they had the whole night booked for themselves before these national acts placed their call to the bar.

So they played their half-hour and let the national acts have the stage. Now here's where I get to my real beef about this. Not one single person in either of these bands said thank you to the band whose show they just highjacked. One simple sentence would have sufficed: "Thank you to so-and-so for letting us highjack their show tonight." Not one word was mentioned. Absolutely no respect shown whatsoever for the musicians who just gave up their spot for you at a few short hours notice.

In the future, these two bands -- Justin Moore and Emerson Drive -- might want to keep this in mind. I applaud these after-show shows that give your fans the opportunity to see their favorite bands in a more intimate setting. More national acts should do it. It shows great respect for your fans. However, if you're highjacking a local band's show to do this, you should at least have the respect for the local musicians you're bumping to offer up a simple thanks to them. It's arrogant of you not to do it. It would only take a minute of your time to mention it to the crowd. You might not think it's important. I say that not doing this simple little thing says a lot about your band and it doesn't reflect well on you to the people who were there to see the band whose show you highjacked. I don't care if you're Hank Williams, Jr. or Garth, I would expect the same from them, too. No one is above a simple thank you, and this local band deserved a thank you from you.

Am I being too judgmental about this because I have such a pet-peeve about arrogance or am I right for thinking they should have at least offered up a thanks in this situation?

Lately I've been looking around for a good deal on some new furniture for our deck and, like the savvy shopper that I am, Craigslist has obviously been included in my search. Very often on there I come across "rod iron" patio sets or tables and it makes me giggle every time I see it. I think it must have started with one person spelling it that way and others taking the cue that it's the correct spelling and including it that way in their own posts. Surely, not that many people think it's "rod iron." FYI for anyone who actually does think that's the proper spelling... it's wrought iron.

Ok, ok. I see how people might be confused. It sounds like "rod" when you say it fast enough, and it actually looks like a bunch of rods welded together. I guess I can see how people would jump on the "rod iron" bandwagon. And it does amuse me, after all, so no harm, no foul.

However...

Today, I was perusing Craigslist once again and came upon a new one that made me chuckle (instead of just a giggle). It was someone selling a "Chip N Dale" armoire. I kid you not. That's exactly how it was spelled. What was most ironic is that the poster spelled "armoire" correctly. I suppose that word was just difficult enough that he (or she) couldn't figure out how to write it without looking it up. Chippendale is easy. Just go for the most obvious pop culture reference.

So my question is: was the "Chip N Dale" armoire crafted by a pair of cute little chipmunks, made specifically for a pair of cute little chipmunks, or does it come with a pair of cute little chipmunks? Should I send the poster a message and ask, do you think?

Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's my OCD (it causes the mind to race with repetitive thoughts), but every once in a while I get into this mode of questioning my purpose. What have I done? What haven't I done? What more can I do? What significance does it have in this vast and complicated world anyway? Does any of it truly have any meaning at all? Is it enough? Will it ever be enough?

I suppose everyone goes through these questions from time to time. Maybe it's not that unusual after all. For me, however, it seems like my mind gets stuck in that gear for a while and not having the answers to those questions drives me mad.

I'm your average person, living an average life, working an average job, with an average family. So what have I truly done in my 41 years that has significance... and then, how much significance does it really have when all is said and done?

I've spent quite a bit of time on volunteer work over the years. I've worked in pet shelters and for dog rescue groups. I've organized several charity fund raising events. I've donated money to organizations I believe in. I've voiced my opinion on topics about which I feel strongly (I'm nothing if I'm not outspoken). I've used my design skills to design and sell a whole mess of t-shirts promoting pet adoption and spaying/neutering and the banning of puppymills and the like (the more people who wear them across the country, the more the word spreads).

All of this, and yet it always comes back to the one most important question for me: is this my purpose or is there something else I should be doing that I've been missing all along? I want to make a difference in the world, not just flow with it. I don't want to be a bystander. I want to be involved. I think the real question is, why do I sometimes feel that I haven't been involved enough despite the fact that I have a pretty good track record of putting myself out there and trying to make a difference?

I wonder if it really just comes down to my mind "playing tricks on me." I'm a perfectionist -- always have been -- but I'm most critical of myself. You could say I'm my own worst enemy. Maybe I'm just seeing myself as not doing enough because nothing I do is ever good enough for me.

In the days when all I did was live and breathe writing and painting, people would give me sincere compliments on my work and I would immediately point out all the flaws in it. I didn't want them to give me credit for good work when I didn't feel it was perfect enough to warrant a compliment. I finally got past that frame of mind, or so I thought. Maybe I never really got past it. Maybe it just shifted from my creative endeavors to my life in general.

Damned OCD making me obsess over stupid thoughts like this. Did I mention I tend to over-analyze everything, too. That's not the OCD in me... that's the Virgo. :)